Rant 6: I Wish I Was The President

I wonder to myself, as I type this, if I can actually rant about something(and that something usually is a big bunch of nothing) every day. Then, I am comforted by the fact that politicians say a whole lot of nothing every day. If I can do these rants daily, I would be a great politician. I think this qualifies me to be president. As president, I would legalize all kinds of things, and make all kinds of new things part of America. For instance, I would institute "National You Can Only Drive Your Car in Reverse While Singing Beach Boys Songs Day". I think that would be a big hit. I would also legalize the use of deadly force against army ants. There is only room for one military in this proud nation, and I feel an Ant Uprising would be harmful to my tenure as the leader of this country. I would also make reality television illegal, as it is nothing but a large false advertising campaign. I went to a beach in New Jersey, and all I saw were fat pasty white guys looking to oogle at the local women. There was also litter and a guy in a full size Elmo suit giving away free samples of an energy drink. I didn't see one orange person with a sense of entitlement larger than their balloon-like muscles. Thus, I cannot allow people to be mislead by television in such a way. Shows like Doctor Who are allowed though, as they are historically accurate, and people need to be educated about the exploits of humanity's greatest savior. Furthermore, as president of the united states(I probably should have capitalized that title, but it is too late now, for I have already moved on), I would pass a bill in which no one is allowed to name their sons Herbert, or their daughters Helga. Eventually this bill will probably encompass all names that begin with the letter "H", as I think those names are lame and don't reflect the maniless of our country in the face of the world. I would also probably paint the White House black, for racial equality, and because it would be harder for theives to see it at night, and I don't want anyone stealing my old pokemon cards.