Rant 9: A Birthday Igloo

My parents looked at me quizzically. I told them what I wanted for my birthday, and there was no stopping my resolve. I had this planned for a long time, and no one on the planet was going to talk me out of this. For years, I had this planned, for years I knew that this birthday would be the one. I told my parents that on this birthday, I wanted an igloo. I would make an impenatrable fortress out of it, considering there was only one door. I would have an endless supply of water, and I wouldn't have to pay for air conditioning. My dream was flawless. My parents, being the great people they are, agreed to build me an igloo. Since I didn't want to stand around and wait for it to be finished, I left for the day, collecting my supplies. I would put my big TV in the igloo, and a lawn chair, and a bed, and a refridgerator.... wait, no, it should be sufficiently cool in there, and all sorts of other wonderful things that will make this perfect. I will also dig a moat around my igloo so that evil doers cannot enter my lair. So, I returned to my house, and looked at the progress of the igloo. It was coming along nicely, as my parents were working on the final touches. They finished, and wished me a happy birthday. I crawled inside the tiny space, and much to my dismay, it was empty! How was I to fit my giant TV inside? Well, I decided to build my moat first, and worry about the TV problem later. I got out my shovel and began to dig. I realized this task was much harder in practice than in thought, but I resigned myself to the task. After 13 hours of intense work, I had my moat. It was a chasm, stretching a whopping 37 inches into the Earth.Surely no one could get through that expanse! I then lit tiki torches around my igloo, to keep the bugs away. It was time to put in the TV. After about an hour of trying to wedge it in the small opening, I gave up. I I hurled the TV into the air, and it crashed into the top of the igloo. Finally! I got both a TV and a skylight in my igloo! With both of these tasks done, I began to paint the walls. This took quite a while, and within the cramped space, gave me quite a headache, but, after 2 days of painting, I now have a neon pink and green igloo with a skylight and a moat. I asked my parents for a dragon to protect me, but they said no. Shows how much they love me. They'll import tons of snow into this temperate climate, but no, one little teeny tiny dragon is too damn much for them to get me. Lamers.