Rant 10: Franchising in Caves

I wish I was shrunk down to a 3 inch size person, or so. It would be so incredibly epic. I would be able to drive R/C cars, and skateboard with Tech Decks(anyone remember those amazing little things? I know you do, don't lie), and I could swim in any of my favorite beverage. I could live in a mansion that only took up the space of the middle of a floor. I would troll people by dressing up in a devil outfit and standing on their shoulder, whispering advice to them. I would steal so much money, posing as a tooth fairy. There are endless things I could accomplish by being so small. I could find all lost stuff inside and under couches. That would be pretty neat. It would be like cave diving. How does anyone like that as a sport? I mean, you are basically hurling yourself at a bunch of jagged pieces of very hard stones, and hoping that your parachute opens. If I was a cave diver, I'd probably not ever dive. I'd just casually stroll inside of a cave. I don't know what I'd do after that, because every movie in the world about caves has something go terribly wrong. Instead, I would wear a clown outfit into a cave. You never see clowns in caves, nor do you see them in any immediate danger in almost any movie. That is probably the best way to break the cliche. A lot of people are afraid of clowns though, so maybe that would trigger some sort of crazy chain reaction that would end up with a bannana giving birth to a raccoon the hard way. Personally, I'd avoid caves altogether. There is no McDonalds inside a cave, and I like to be within 7 miles of a McDonalds at all times. It is the American way. Maybe, I will open a McDonalds INSIDE the cave. Imagine me, in a clown suit, serving McDonalds to cave divers that totally did not expect to find a McDonalds in their cave! They'd still have to pay for the McDonalds though.