Rant 11: I Will Now Try to Multitask

I decided that today was the day. I was going to fulfill a life long goal of mine. I was going to learn how to walk and chew bubblegum at the same time. This task, I knew, would not be an easy one. I prepared myself by walking. First, slowly, then with my hands in my pockets. Later, I walked with my eyes closed. I was getting in a walking groove(probably aided by the fact that all the displaced dirt around me was forming a sort of groove itself). I then practiced chewing bubblegum. This part was hard. I didn't try to overburden myself by blowing a bubble(as I don't know how to do that), so I just focused on chewing the gum. After a rigorous 6 hours of practice, I figured it was time to go for the gold! I placed a piece of bubblegum(double bubble like a champ) in my mouth and took a step. So far so good. I then chewed on the gum. Wiping my brow(as the effort made me sweat profusely) I tried to take both a step and a bite at the same time. I don't really want to talk about what happened next, but I figure this needs to get off my chest. As my left foot came down from the step, I slipped, crushing an old woman that somehow managed to be right there underneath me. I tried to break my fall by grabbing a fire hydrant, but I only succeeded in opening the nozzle, and the high water pressure sent the poor woman's poodle flying into a 3rd story window. My shoe flew off, striking a semi truck, that careened into a bakery, causing the scene to smell like gasoline and bread. My gum ejected from my mouth, and tumbled into air. It was a minty green piece, that perfectly hit a car windshield in such a spot that someone mistook it for a green stop light. This car went through the intersection, taking out several roadside mascots after the driver tried to avoid the semi truck. I slowly got up. I noticed I knocked the lady out, and she was eating a piece of toast. I took that toast, but before I could, a swarm of seagulls came after me. They ended up eating not only the toast, but the gasoline soaked bakery goods. This mutated their DNA, causing them to become super evil villainous seagulls of evil. All in all, I'd give this day a B+.